Monday, December 05, 2005

The Things We Do As We Do Them

So, Rhys calls me this afternoon around 4:15 and says, "Hey, let's get some beer." And I was just okie dokie fine and dandy with that jive. So I wind up at Lunchie's pad, and there's this chick there named Lisa or Linda or something close to that, yall know how horrible I am with names. And we go to Taco Mac and everything's cool and shit. I get the impression that the chick ain't too fond of me, which is cool and all, kuz I don't really care all that much and it takes time to get to know people and shit. So that's that.

And it just so happened that Jesse gave me Bad Santa, which I dutifully returned to the video depository (suppository is more like it). On the way back to my crib, I decided to stop by Amigo's to check up on the "fiddy-cent taco crowd," and ran into Trashley and company. Apparently there is some partyage of some sort taking place tonight and I'm somehow invited. Needless to say, I think I'm going.

Here's to you, here's to me, may we never disagree.
But if we do, fuck you, here's to me.


Drunken Update - 5:10 a.m. 6 December 2005

I spent most of tonight talking with Kelly, who almost none of you know. Rhys knows her, perhaps only because he met her tonight for the first time. Fucked if I know if that's the case. Anyway, here's the deal. Kelly's into me, and I'm not so much into her for anything other than friendship. The fact remains, however, that we are good friends. And as such, we've got each other’s backs when we arrive in situations to which any patterned response is proven futile, i.e. a Sigma Chi fraturnity party.

Now, I'm all for fraternal brotherhood. Hell, I would have pledged Phi Delta Theta if dad had let me, way back when. But as things stand, I didn't. I can't exactly say I'm better for it, but I'm certainly not the least bit remorseful now for having that door closed to me. The fact is, that things being as they are, the Greek type ain't my crowd. So, thrown into unfamiliar waters, I look for things I know. And I know Kelly, so having her around was very comforting tonight. In fact, having Candice and Ashley as well, was quite nice. Fuck, do I gota say it? Any familiar face in that house o'horrors woulda been a comfort.

I met a decent amount of new people tonight. Be fucked if I can remember most of their names. I remember a dude named Jeff, an Eric, a really cute 18-year old, and thus not in my narrow scope of prospective love interests, named Emily (who I've met before along with her friend, What'shernamewhoIseeatStoneCupfromtimetotime, at other parties but never spoken with), and perhaps a Matt. Faces I remember, but I suck so hard at associating the names with them.

So we wound up at this frat party around 10pm, and it was loud and the DJ sucked. Simply put, I could have mixed the guy out the door and into the next fucking county. Fuck his music selection. It was brilliant. Not a single track he laid down was excluded from any top 40 list from the last 3 years. The guy knew his crowd...but not his equipment. Play, pause, play, pause. The same shit Jesse and I were doing back in 1990 with the nad pad. And this is what kids are getting down to? To what depressing depths have our fraternal and sorrel institutions been reduced? I ask you, when will the actual leaders of the future (sadly) come to the realization that they've been dooped. They paid how much for that shit? I'd do it willingly free of charge if only they would but ask.

But that's another rant all together. I'm seriously going to drop those poor Greek fuckers a mix CD and say, "Listen, I know you guys like your grooves and shit, but if you ever decide to pretend to get your rave on...I'm your man." At least I wouldn't fuck around on the only part of DJing that requires a modicum of...oh, I don't know...manual dexterity? Perhaps a little vision? Fucking assholes charge money for what they do? You lazy no talent fucks!!!!!

Right. ...As we do them...

So I met a bunch of decent humans this evening, and I've found that my definition of decent has slacked a little. I see this as a somewhat good thing. It doesn't bother me so much that OhWhat'sHerName hooked up with OhFuckThatGuy'sName as it may have in days past. I see it as a sign that I've loosened up a bit, and no matter how much it may eat me up that I can see now how bad he's going to treat her in the not too distant future, I'm not going to get upset about it. College is supposed to be about fucking up a lot, right? At least that's the prevailing attitude. So, sex can be....well...just sex. And people can randomly hook up at parties, and that can be that. There doesn't always have be profound meaning to it. This is a growth moment, of sorts.

And here is the thought that both disturbs me, and fascinates me. Remember when we were watching Sports Night the other day? Remember Dan's line about being in The Zone? You know, "I'm not in the zone. I'm down here with the rest of you." Yeah. I think about this acceptance, and think. Is this the acceptance of truth or a compromise to reconcile myself with the world? Have I existed on a higher plane of consciousness than the rest of you pathetic mortals, or did I just have my head up my own ass. Well, reason leads me to take a stand with the latter and that I just need to have another beer and chill the fuck out. But there's a part of me that wants to believe the former. That part, that I think all people have, that makes us want to feel special. Not so much to be special, but to feel special. We want to be different, or significant, or noteworthy in some way. We want to matter in some way, and there is something there.

That's my sticking point. That's where I trip up when trying to figure out what the fuck is going on with the order of the universe or whatever it's called these days. Life and how to deal with it, maybe. Be fucked if I know; philosophy ain't my bag. But how do you know what you are and are not? And once you have an answer to that, how can you trust it? Is what we say we want really what we want in our greasy heart of hearts? Can we ever transcend selfishness and be truly selfless?

Questioned to be answered when sober...

This has been a drunken and rambling update to a previous thought.


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